Mail.
Attack on chemistry!
Yesterday at chemical plant No. 829, in the suburbs of Helmer, an explosion occurred as the result of a terrorist attack. After the explosion, a cloud of chemicals appeared; the anti-chemical protection service dealt with the issue promptly. The have been minor casualties. Unfortunately, damage to the plant is irreparable, and the vile terrorists and enemies of the Motherland will pay to the fullest extent of the law for this attack!
Open dossierBeat Binge Drinking with Working Weekends!
Following numerous requests from our employees, the Ministry of Labor would like to announce the abolition of holidays in the Ministry. Instead of indulging in drinking and moral decay - the scourge of our times - employees will be able to do more important work for our great homeland!
Open dossierBlissful Sleep Continues to Benefit the State
The Ministry of Social Protection wishes to inform citizens that due to last year’s implementation of the Blissful Sleep program, the issue of retirement home maintenance and upkeep has now been completely resolved. This has allowed the state to save more than 3 million in finances, which has been donated to the army. Citizens! By reporting persons who have reached the age of 85 to the Blissful Sleep Hotline, you’re helping bring the state closer to Victory!
Open dossierCircular letter No. 87696-bis
On the basis of Directive No. 6970, this Circular hereby annuls Circular No. 83924 extending Order of the Leader No. 9707 “On Circulars and Directives”. Take notice and report upon its implementation.
Open dossierConstant Vigilance!
The number of cases of smuggling prohibited items into the Ministry has risen. Junior specialist Kelvin Proust was detained while trying to sneak in a fountain pen made in Valverde, an enemy country. Investigations are underway, and Proust has already confessed. We remind you that you are obliged to report all cases of unlawful behavior in the workplace via the anonymous telephones installed in the common areas on each floor of the Ministry.
Open dossierDebtors Brought to Justice
Last week, another batch of utility bill-dodging parasites were sent to work off their debts at the state mines, where they will spend the next five to twenty years. The Ministry of Social Protection issues this reminder that timely payment of utility bills is the sacred duty of each citizen to the state!
Open dossierEmployees Beware!
The Ministry Registry reminds you that in order to safeguard any information that constitutes a state secret, each visitor requesting documents needs to submit documents confirming the existence of documents entitling them to receive the aforementioned documents. Employees, be careful when issuing documents! Do not give spies any chance to learn the secrets of the Motherland!
Open dossierEncyclopedia update
Due to Alonso Karioso having been exposed as a Borean spy, the editorial board of the Great Patriotic Encyclopedia recommends removing pages 21, 22 and 23, as well as the portrait of Karioso inserted between pages 23 and 24, from Volume 5 of the GPE. Replacement pages will be provided.
Open dossierFor the Leader and our Great Nation!
Yesterday, the staff of the House of Misfits in Velfer committed an act of negligence by allowing one of their patients to be abducted. The individuals entrusted by the Leader to protect the nation’s gene pool from undesirable elements proved themselves to be unworthy of such an honor and were shot. The kidnapper and his hostage are now on the most wanted list. The remaining residents of the House of Misfits will be administered the Blissful Sleep procedure to avoid further contamination. Have a nice working day!
Open dossierKill the Enemy Viper!
Yesterday during a rally in honor of the Leader’s momentous new decisions, representatives of the Ministry of Order apprehended an enemy suicide bomber. He was planning to use dynamite to turn the peaceful assembly into a bloodbath, but was exposed and arrested. Thousands of lives were saved, and thousands of children will now get to bask in the bright sun of the new era the Great Leader has promised us! Glory to the guardians of the law! The vile agent will suffer a just punishment for his deeds! Death to enemies and spies!
Open dossierKill the Enemy Viper!
Yesterday during a rally in honor of the Leader’s momentous new decisions, representatives of the Ministry of Order conducted an operation to eliminate an enemy spy. The villain was unmasked and liquidated. Several bystanders suffered minor casualties in the course of the operation. Their remains can be collected from the city morgue at 10 am tomorrow on a first-come-first-served basis. Death to our enemies!
Open dossierOut with Agoraphobia!
The Ministry of Social Protection’s specialists are proud to announce that they have found a way to beat agoraphobia, the fear of open spaces, for good! According to the new regulations, each citizen will be allocated no more than 10 sq. m. of living space, which means that agoraphobia can be crossed off the list of existing diseases! Glory to our scientists! Measures are currently being taken to seize excess living space.
Open dossierShare your heart!
Do you want to help our Great Motherland and improve your financial situation? Come to the headquarters of the Share Your Heart program to donate blood, bone marrow, kidneys and other organs for the good of the country! The organs will be used to save our valiant soldiers in hospital! Each donor is paid a reward! You can also buy government bonds from us to help the Motherland even more!
Open dossierSingle Window: Convenient, Fast, Reliable!
The Complaints and Suggestions Office on Victorious St. has implemented a Single Window system. Now all cash contributions intended for the specialists of this office can be handed in via a single window, quickly and conveniently. If the experiment is considered successful, the Single Window system will be extended to all government offices.
Open dossierSucker punch
The terrorist scum calling themselves The New Tomorrow* have struck another wicked blow by bombing a new wing of the Ministry, which was to have its official opening in three days’ time. Casualties include 34 wounded, 8 dead. We will honor the memory of our comrades and do everything in our power to find and punish these New Tomorrow* animals! They will pay for their crimes! * The New Tomorrow is a terrorist organization prohibited in our State.
Open dossierThe triumph of science for the good of the motherland!
The Ministry of Science is proud to announce the successful completion of the test phase for the “Carl 500+” line of perfect employee clones. This joyful news was met with universal jubilation, and all remaining employees will be replaced with Carl 500+ models as soon as possible. All hail science! All hail the Great Leader!
Open dossierTraitors get what they deserve
The traitor Peter Dong was exposed by our Security Service. Sensing that he was being followed, the criminal started shooting people at the checkpoint. Several employees of the Ministry were injured. After being cornered, Dong killed himself. In accordance with the established regulations, his body stood trial and received a just punishment.
Open dossierUnited We Stand
Last weekend, our victorious troops launched a decisive offensive on all fronts, advancing a considerable distance. The enemy is broken and demoralized, their soldiers have laid down their weapons and surrendered. In order to deliver the last decisive blow, the Leader calls on all those who stayed behind to give up their weekends and contribute part of their salary to the War Fund.
Open dossierVending Machines: the Future of Trade!
Following numerous requests from our employees, the Ministry shall be closing the staff canteens and replacing them with modern vending machines offering a wide range of essential goods: canned food, socks, pens, wrenches, handkerchiefs, sex education pamphlets and much more.
Open dossierViolation warning
Violation: Non-compliance with domestic pet rules. Explanation: It is prohibited to keep cats in Class D5 housing. Sanctions: a fine for the unauthorized keeping of 5 cats.
Open dossierWorkplace casualties
Summary of the incident: Yesterday, as a result of gross safety violations while working with packaging materials, Ministry employees Hank and Rabindranath Wright lost their lives in a tragic accident. A subsequent investigation found that Hank Wright and Rabindranath Wright had been stealing packaging materials from the trade pavilion on the waterfront. Strong winds caused the packaging wrap to unravel. The brothers got entangled in it, fell over, and rolled down the steep bank of the river - receiving multiple bruises, fractures, and deep penetrating wounds from tree branches and debris on the riverbank. The Ministry of Information would like to remind you all of the need to comply with the law and all safety measures, and to kindly donate money for the funeral.
Open dossierYour Grave is Your Face!
The Ministry of Social Care wishes to announce its annual lottery. This year’s prize is an exclusive burial plot in the 34th row of the Central Cemetery. Any citizen planning to die in the next 12 months is eligible to participate. The prize cannot be sold or transferred to another person. There’s a comfortable grave waiting just for you!
Open dossier