Mail.
“Wolf and Stein 2.0”
Fragment of Wolf and Stein 2.0 workshop transcript Redgrave: Are you sure this is necessary? This man had a family! Weinberg: You know my stance: anything for the greatest common good. It's wise to sacrifice one person so that the species can survive. Redgrave: Survival of the species is no longer your goal. Don't delude yourself, Isaac - you’re after a lot more. Weinberg: I don't see development as a bad thing. This is evolution, albeit artificial, accelerated, and man-made. But nature is too slow, and often gives us the species best adapted to a specific habitat. I want the habitat to adapt to the new species. Redgrave: But we're talking about individuality! Weinberg: You’re for freedom of choice, aren’t you? So, let me remind you: this man made his choice. Thus, it fits in with your value system, Caleb...
Open dossierA commensurate reward
Comrade Dong. For exceeding the quota by 300%, you have been awarded a 29th honorary diploma for labor achievements and an official ministerial note of acknowledgement of the second degree.
Open dossierAnnual Dog Show
Dear Albert DeSalvo! It is out honor to invite you to the Annual Dog Show in the name of the Leader. The exhibition will take place at 17 People’s Partisans Street.
Open dossierAttack on chemistry!
Yesterday at chemical plant No. 829, in the suburbs of Helmer, an explosion occurred as the result of a terrorist attack. After the explosion, a cloud of chemicals appeared; the anti-chemical protection service dealt with the issue promptly. The have been minor casualties. Unfortunately, damage to the plant is irreparable, and the vile terrorists and enemies of the Motherland will pay to the fullest extent of the law for this attack!
Open dossierBan on mass mailings
We have introduced a complete ban on mass mailings for everyone without UD65684654/7 level access
Open dossierBeat Binge Drinking with Working Weekends!
Following numerous requests from our employees, the Ministry of Labor would like to announce the abolition of holidays in the Ministry. Instead of indulging in drinking and moral decay - the scourge of our times - employees will be able to do more important work for our great homeland!
Open dossierBlissful Sleep Continues to Benefit the State
The Ministry of Social Protection wishes to inform citizens that due to last year’s implementation of the Blissful Sleep program, the issue of retirement home maintenance and upkeep has now been completely resolved. This has allowed the state to save more than 3 million in finances, which has been donated to the army. Citizens! By reporting persons who have reached the age of 85 to the Blissful Sleep Hotline, you’re helping bring the state closer to Victory!
Open dossierCircular letter No. 87696-bis
On the basis of Directive No. 6970, this Circular hereby annuls Circular No. 83924 extending Order of the Leader No. 9707 “On Circulars and Directives”. Take notice and report upon its implementation.
Open dossierCitizen Reception Procedure
New requirements: as of the 1st day of this month, visitors entering public service buildings are required to present, in addition to their identity card: a certificate of vaccination, a certificate of no arrears in utility bills (form OKZ-2), and a reference letter from their employer. In the absence of said documents, citizens shall be forwarded to special distribution centers. John Piece, Senior Deputy Assistant Document Manager in Sector 56-8
Open dossierConstant Vigilance!
The number of cases of smuggling prohibited items into the Ministry has risen. Junior specialist Kelvin Proust was detained while trying to sneak in a fountain pen made in Valverde, an enemy country. Investigations are underway, and Proust has already confessed. We remind you that you are obliged to report all cases of unlawful behavior in the workplace via the anonymous telephones installed in the common areas on each floor of the Ministry.
Open dossierDating
I’m looking for an attractive young woman, with or without kids. I’m young, passionate, and have everything you need for a happy family life: a private house, a garden, goats, garden sheds. Call: 23-569-345
Open dossierDebtors Brought to Justice
Last week, another batch of utility bill-dodging parasites were sent to work off their debts at the state mines, where they will spend the next five to twenty years. The Ministry of Social Protection issues this reminder that timely payment of utility bills is the sacred duty of each citizen to the state!
Open dossierEditing “The Perfect Man: Myth or Clone?”
Dear Dr. Weinberg! We were delighted to review the manuscript of your new book. This is a masterpiece that every intelligent person should become acquainted with! Your statement that the ideal person is a dead one is brilliant! However, we are forced to refuse publication due to paper shortage. My deepest apologies! Editor of “Way of the Leader” publishing, Pierre Caterpillar.
Open dossierEmma Hazer
YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN ME AGAIN, YOU WASTE YOUR TIME ON OTHER MEN. YOU'LL NEVER FIND YOURSELF A WINNER, IF YOU DON'T JOIN ME FOR DINNER.
Open dossierEmma Hazer
YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN ME AGAIN, YOU WASTE YOUR TIME ON OTHER MEN. YOU'LL NEVER FIND YOURSELF A WINNER, IF YOU DON'T JOIN ME FOR DINNER.
Open dossierEmployees Beware!
The Ministry Registry reminds you that in order to safeguard any information that constitutes a state secret, each visitor requesting documents needs to submit documents confirming the existence of documents entitling them to receive the aforementioned documents. Employees, be careful when issuing documents! Do not give spies any chance to learn the secrets of the Motherland!
Open dossierEncyclopedia update
Due to Alonso Karioso having been exposed as a Borean spy, the editorial board of the Great Patriotic Encyclopedia recommends removing pages 21, 22 and 23, as well as the portrait of Karioso inserted between pages 23 and 24, from Volume 5 of the GPE. Replacement pages will be provided.
Open dossierFINE
You have been issued a warning for an error made in your weekly report. Fine: 300 Any subsequent errors will be noted in your personal file.
Open dossierFor the Leader and our Great Nation!
Yesterday, the staff of the House of Misfits in Velfer committed an act of negligence by allowing one of their patients to be abducted. The individuals entrusted by the Leader to protect the nation’s gene pool from undesirable elements proved themselves to be unworthy of such an honor and were shot. The kidnapper and his hostage are now on the most wanted list. The remaining residents of the House of Misfits will be administered the Blissful Sleep procedure to avoid further contamination. Have a nice working day!
Open dossierGoing to the movies
Hi Angela! There’s going to be a screening of Pride and Prejudice and the Leader in Helmer. My son just loves it, maybe we can go together?
Open dossierHon. Dr. Newport!
We are honored to offer you the position of the Chief Scientific Officer at the Institute of Problems. Housing and maintenance provided. We are willing to accept any of your terms and conditions. We will be happy to welcome the brightest representative of modern science!
Open dossierInvitation
Fred, thank you for the invitation! Unfortunately, I will not be able to share in your and Olga's big day. Perhaps you have forgotten, but this day is a day of mourning for me. It has only been 5 years since I lost the two people closest to me. One taken by death, another by the system. Congratulations on the upcoming wedding, all the best to you. Magda R.
Open dossierKill the Enemy Viper!
Yesterday during a rally in honor of the Leader’s momentous new decisions, representatives of the Ministry of Order apprehended an enemy suicide bomber. He was planning to use dynamite to turn the peaceful assembly into a bloodbath, but was exposed and arrested. Thousands of lives were saved, and thousands of children will now get to bask in the bright sun of the new era the Great Leader has promised us! Glory to the guardians of the law! The vile agent will suffer a just punishment for his deeds! Death to enemies and spies!
Open dossierKill the Enemy Viper!
Yesterday during a rally in honor of the Leader’s momentous new decisions, representatives of the Ministry of Order conducted an operation to eliminate an enemy spy. The villain was unmasked and liquidated. Several bystanders suffered minor casualties in the course of the operation. Their remains can be collected from the city morgue at 10 am tomorrow on a first-come-first-served basis. Death to our enemies!
Open dossierLook Up to the Best!
The Employee of the Year awards ceremony was held yesterday at the Ministry. Distinguished employees were awarded diplomas and health resort vouchers. By the unanimous decision of those present, all vouchers were transferred to the Labor Fund. Work in the ministry must not stop! Let others rest! Follow the lead of our best workers, and one day you too will be able to do such noble deeds!
Open dossierMoney
We have discussed this many times, but I can repeat myself if you want: you won't get any money from me until I see that you are behaving rationally. And I want to see some actual results. My terms remain the same: get married and have children. Or get promoted. But with your level of diligence a promotion is out of the question. So I’m waiting on those grandchildren!
Open dossierOut of vouchers!
The Voucher Department reports that there are no more vouchers in the department. New vouchers will arrive in the next quarter.
Open dossierOut with Agoraphobia!
The Ministry of Social Protection’s specialists are proud to announce that they have found a way to beat agoraphobia, the fear of open spaces, for good! According to the new regulations, each citizen will be allocated no more than 10 sq. m. of living space, which means that agoraphobia can be crossed off the list of existing diseases! Glory to our scientists! Measures are currently being taken to seize excess living space.
Open dossierPerformance improvement
Magda, I demand an urgent increase in the collection of undocumented income from the staff of my floor! Come up with some kind of reward for slaves, arrange a competition between employees with an award of unscheduled work. Or scare them with unscheduled work, I don't care. The main thing is that by the end of the month each employee should have exceeded their quota by at least double.
Open dossierQuota
Provide a certificate of disability ASAP! In the event of a failure to provide a certified certificate, your Ministry employment quota will be revoked.
Open dossierRE: Book request
Dear Comrade DeSalvo! It is with deep regret that we are forced to report that all copies of the textbook on the pathological anatomy of the Dark Affairs period you requested were destroyed under Directive No. 90820 of the Ministry of Science. We apologize to you! Glory to the Leader!
Open dossierRe: Hideous experiments
From: A. DeSalvo Subject: Re: Hideous experiments Caleb, I don't quite understand the point of your claims. If I didn't already know that you're devoted to the ideals of our Great Society, I would think that you’re defending the very public enemies whom I'm trying to correct. That can't be the case, can it, Caleb? I’m sure you’re no traitor. Perhaps we should talk in person somewhere without surveillance - so as not to be bound by the official rules of correspondence. I know the perfect place for us to talk openly... Come to my office for a cup of tea and I'll show you. A. DeSalvo -------- From: C. Redgrave Subject: Hideous experiments Albert, I doubt that this letter will make you change your mind. I don’t believe that you can stop yourself anymore. But I have to try... Your activities in your “secret chamber” have long since gone beyond the definition of evil. Words can't begin to describe. I’m begging you in a desperate attempt to save some of these poor victims. Come to your senses! Stop these horrible experiments!
Open dossierRecommendations for today: Be yourself. Be present.
You have received this message because you have subscribed to the How to Survive a Great Loss newsletter. If you do not want to receive any more messages, please inform the supervisor of your floor.
Open dossierRegarding pensions
The Ministry of Social Care wishes to notify citizens that according to Order No. 9003, all pensioners are required to annually submit Life Certificates to the Ministry by December 31.
Open dossierReport on scheduled inspection of surveillance cameras
Comrade Rakovich. The monthly routine inspection of the cameras has been completed. Here is the report: Open space: no faults detected. Comrade Ferguson's reception and his office: no faults detected (no cameras). Submit a request to the Security Department to install cameras if you need them.
Open dossierShare your heart!
Do you want to help our Great Motherland and improve your financial situation? Come to the headquarters of the Share Your Heart program to donate blood, bone marrow, kidneys and other organs for the good of the country! The organs will be used to save our valiant soldiers in hospital! Each donor is paid a reward! You can also buy government bonds from us to help the Motherland even more!
Open dossierSingle Window: Convenient, Fast, Reliable!
The Complaints and Suggestions Office on Victorious St. has implemented a Single Window system. Now all cash contributions intended for the specialists of this office can be handed in via a single window, quickly and conveniently. If the experiment is considered successful, the Single Window system will be extended to all government offices.
Open dossierSucker punch
The terrorist scum calling themselves The New Tomorrow* have struck another wicked blow by bombing a new wing of the Ministry, which was to have its official opening in three days’ time. Casualties include 34 wounded, 8 dead. We will honor the memory of our comrades and do everything in our power to find and punish these New Tomorrow* animals! They will pay for their crimes! * The New Tomorrow is a terrorist organization prohibited in our State.
Open dossierThanks
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for helping us at House of Misfits No. 207/1. You just saved us! Without your help, our children would have nothing to eat but turnips. We hope you will continue to support us, as we don’t exist in the eyes of government, and they have stopped funding us. Thanks again.
Open dossierThankyouthankyouthankyou!
Dear John! I am writing to once again thank you for saving me! If it wasn’t for you, the Shredder would've ground me to a pulp! Thank the Leader for whatever stroke of luck led to you being there! My mother thanks you. My father thanks you. My sister thanks you. And I thank you! I wish you the greatest happiness and joy! Forever in your debt, Nikki Manipoulos.
Open dossierThe triumph of science for the good of the motherland!
The Ministry of Science is proud to announce the successful completion of the test phase for the “Carl 500+” line of perfect employee clones. This joyful news was met with universal jubilation, and all remaining employees will be replaced with Carl 500+ models as soon as possible. All hail science! All hail the Great Leader!
Open dossierTraitors get what they deserve
The traitor Peter Dong was exposed by our Security Service. Sensing that he was being followed, the criminal started shooting people at the checkpoint. Several employees of the Ministry were injured. After being cornered, Dong killed himself. In accordance with the established regulations, his body stood trial and received a just punishment.
Open dossierUnited We Stand
Last weekend, our victorious troops launched a decisive offensive on all fronts, advancing a considerable distance. The enemy is broken and demoralized, their soldiers have laid down their weapons and surrendered. In order to deliver the last decisive blow, the Leader calls on all those who stayed behind to give up their weekends and contribute part of their salary to the War Fund.
Open dossierVending Machines: the Future of Trade!
Following numerous requests from our employees, the Ministry shall be closing the staff canteens and replacing them with modern vending machines offering a wide range of essential goods: canned food, socks, pens, wrenches, handkerchiefs, sex education pamphlets and much more.
Open dossierViolation warning
Violation: Non-compliance with domestic pet rules. Explanation: It is prohibited to keep cats in Class D5 housing. Sanctions: a fine for the unauthorized keeping of 5 cats.
Open dossierWe have problems!
Bruno, my friend! You have to help me! That son of bitch, that shithead Redgrave! I saw an internal memo he wrote about me! Now I’ve calmed down a bit, so I'm writing to you. I can't call you - I smashed the phone against the wall. That prick has pissed me off! We need to do something about him. Otherwise, he'll pull the plug and we'll have no more music, champagne, caviar or pineapples. No more parties. I don't know about you, Bruno, but I can't live without sweet, easy, slutty girls! So, use your connections - let's find some dirt on this worthless moralist!
Open dossierWorkplace casualties
Summary of the incident: Yesterday, as a result of gross safety violations while working with packaging materials, Ministry employees Hank and Rabindranath Wright lost their lives in a tragic accident. A subsequent investigation found that Hank Wright and Rabindranath Wright had been stealing packaging materials from the trade pavilion on the waterfront. Strong winds caused the packaging wrap to unravel. The brothers got entangled in it, fell over, and rolled down the steep bank of the river - receiving multiple bruises, fractures, and deep penetrating wounds from tree branches and debris on the riverbank. The Ministry of Information would like to remind you all of the need to comply with the law and all safety measures, and to kindly donate money for the funeral.
Open dossierYour Grave is Your Face!
The Ministry of Social Care wishes to announce its annual lottery. This year’s prize is an exclusive burial plot in the 34th row of the Central Cemetery. Any citizen planning to die in the next 12 months is eligible to participate. The prize cannot be sold or transferred to another person. There’s a comfortable grave waiting just for you!
Open dossier