I don't have time to talk about this.

I don't have time to talk about this.

Codes required:

You cannot change you choice

I want to press charges! Some policemen beat up my husband on the street! They thought he was a criminal! Now he can't work anymore!

How am I supposed to take care of the kids now? I demand that those policemen be punished!

Are you sure it was a mistake?

Hell yes I am! Beat the guilty, not the innocent!

I'm pretty sure someone's been following me! I don't even feel safe at home! Recently, I came home from work and someone had gone through my all stuff!

The burglar was so good, he managed to get in without anyone noticing! Even the building manager didn't see anything! Do something!

Hello, I have a complaint about the management of our factory. How come they won't let girls join the volunteer militias?

The Leader says: 'Women and girls must take the place of the men who have gone to war’. But why don’t we see that in practice? The state doesn’t have enough faith in us!

If we can lay down the law in our own homes, we can do the same on the streets!

Hi there! I have a little kitty, Agatha. I let her out yesterday, and someone tied a can to her tail!

The poor little thing got scared and ran so fast that she crashed into a shop window and broke it. I only just managed to catch her again, and she's still in shock!

Please, catch whoever tied that can to her and punish them as the war criminal they are!

Unbelievable! This is despicable!

Please calm down. What's wrong?

Those immigrants... Those refugees... It's downright unacceptable! They go around harassing women on the streets, catcalling, doing all sorts of perverted things!

Can you give an example?

Of course I can! Yesterday I was walking down the street when a group of them ran up to me, looked me up and down, and ran away without saying a thing! I demand that you find those brutes!

Hello. I spent three years knitting a portrait of our Leader to decorate our entrance hall. And guess what? It was in tatters within a week!

I've just been working so hard to remind people that the Leader is always there for us! Find whoever did it and prosecute them!

Hi. The management of our maternity hospital won't let nurses go to the Solidarity and Loyalty rallies, just ‘cause it means leaving patients in labor unattended.

I think that's treason! They can always pump out more kids - but attending rallies is the solemn duty of every true patriot!

My son's school won't let him attend anymore. I demand that you punish them all!

Do they have a reason?

Reason? Are you kidding me? Well yeah, my little man's already twenty, but that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve an education! He's just a daydreamer, and sometimes he has a hard time figuring things out. And there was also that one time he brought a gun to class, but that was a joke!

Tell me, how come you send all manner of whores to the resorts, but honest working women never get to go?

What do you mean?

At our factory, they only give resort vouchers to the pregnant ones. And everybody knows that these days, the only women getting pregnant are the whores who can’t keep their legs together!

Pregnancy is a natural process.

It's only natural if everyone gets to be pregnant. Even though some of us have spent 30 years at this job routinely getting fuc-... Ah, what does it even matter, just do something or I'll file a complaint against you, too!

Me and my kids were allocated an apartment on Prosperity Street, but when we got there, it was already occupied. They won't let us in!

I'm a decorated blood donor - my blood flows through the veins of thousands of our soldiers. And what am I supposed to do now, keep my kids under my skirt or something? Sort this out!

I’m here to ask the Ministry of Labor to investigate and prosecute the management of Bank No. 12 for incompetence!

Yesterday, I was trying to withdraw some cash, and was informed that the management ordered all deposits to be used to buy up war bonds!

It's not right! I'm just a cashier, and even I know that now's the time to invest in Mining Department bonds!

Hello there! I work as a sealer at the local post office.

A what?

An envelope sealer. I seal them after the letter's been read by the censor. By licking them, I should say.

And some clowns have been adding chili pepper extract to the envelope glue! Now my tongue is swollen - I can't work like this! Find them and give them a taste of their own peppers!

Hi, can you help me?

Sure, that's why I'm here. If you have a request, a complaint, or would like to inform us of something, I'll redirect your query to the right person.

And what will they do about it?

They will review it and take action.

And you?

I'll report the result to my supervisor.

And what did he say?

He'll transfer it to the claims department.

And then?

They’ll... Wait a moment. What exactly is your issue?

My issue is that I want to file a complaint against all of you parasites! You’re a bunch of useless bureaucrats shuffling paper around, incapable of solving even the most minuscule problem!

What problem?

Doesn't matter! I'm going to complain about the people who appointed you here!

You’re going to answer for this! You’re going to answer for all of this right now!

Please calm down!

Don't you tell me to calm down! I took my son to watch a synchronized swimming competition, and what did we witness there? Half-naked girls swinging their legs around for public entertainment!

But isn't that the whole point?

Don't you try to justify this pornography! My boy was so enraged and dumbfounded that he got drool all over his beard! I demand that this sport be banned for threatening public morality in these hard times!

Hello! I was recently given permission to purchase a radio, but I think it was made by traitors!

What led you to this conclusion?

If I tune it to 97.7 FM, press the power and backlight switches together and shake it three times, it picks up a foreign frequency!

Do you realize that this is subversive activity?! I insist that you find and prosecute the people who allowed this to happen!

What if it's just a defect?

What does it matter? What if my kids had been there when I discovered this?! Imagine if they'd heard that South Borean jazz! No! This can't be allowed! I demand an investigation!

Hello! I work as a caretaker. I've brought you the weekly list of crimes committed by the tenants of House 2-bis, Entrance 3, in the cul-de-sac of Harmonic Development. I've highlighted the ones who should be executed.

Hello, I have the results of our latest patriotism poll.

Patriotism poll?

Yes, we wanted to find out whether our citizens were willing to die if the Leader commands it.

And how did it go?

Very well! Some of the respondents didn’t even need to answer verbally - they just went ahead and did it!

He is to the motherland, what rain is to the desert sand!

What?

Love the Leader as you must, those who don’t shall soon be dust!

Can you please stop and explain yourself?

Don't you worry, don't be stressed, our Dear Leader knows what's best!

I'm calling security!

Don't! I was told to submit some new slogans for a rally, so I decided to test them out on you. What do you think? Stirring, huh? Here's the full list - twelve pages, all approved and signed.

Hi! Here's a list of unmarried women librarians.

What for?

To be disseminated within male-dominated companies! Every hard-working man needs a smart woman! Haven't you received the latest directive from the Ministry of Social Care? About increasing the birth rate?

I have a complete register of the newborns in our district. Who should I hand it over to?

Hello! I have a catalog of clothes designs developed by our tailor shop for employees of the ironworks. There’s everything in there, from underwear to hardhats.

Hi! I have the results of a psychological survey of employees of the butchery industry. Their depression levels are through the roof!

Why?

They don’t have any work! We should report this to the higher-ups at once!

Hello! I've brought some sample versions of the new uniform for our army orienteering teams.

We're anticipating fresh attacks on the Western Front next week, so I think they'll appreciate some new uniforms.

We have prepared a program for City Day. Who shall I pass it on to?

I've brought a description of my new invention: curling irons made from rifle ammo. All formatted, numbered, filed, and ready to be archived.

Hey there! I work as a florist on the corner of Peace and Victory.

Every day at 6 p.m., David Grahov, head of the third security department, stops by to get a basket of flowers for his mistress. Says I'll start having problems if I don't give it to him.

I'm fed up with being robbed! Do something!

Hello! My neighbor, Rosa Dirk, is illegally selling perfume that her husband confiscates from smugglers at the border.

They call it a “customs seized-property sale”, but where do the proceeds go? Into their pockets, that's where!

This is complete fraud - I read about it in a bulletin from the Ministry of Order! Arrest those criminals!

Abigail and Morgan Kendell, my neighbors in the communal apartment, regularly steal food from the refrigerator.

Last night they ate all my soup and didn't even wash the saucepan! I hope you can do something to sort this out.

Hi! I saw a “Wanted” ad, and I have information on the whereabouts of one of the criminals!

At this very moment, Claud Renue, the Number 4 most-wanted criminal in the country, is lounging on my couch with a newspaper and refusing to buy me a fur coat! Who should I report this to?

Olivia Rice, whose husband Bruno is head of the passport desk, uses a bust of our Leader to weigh down her sauerkraut!

Guess what? My neighbor, Elena Tadeush, didn't change her curtains on The Day of Greatness and ruined the whole design aesthetic of our building. We were all supposed to display the colors of our flag!

Hello, I'm here to let you know that the bricklayer Wanda Wonderkampf refuses to take part in patriotic rallies just ‘cause she has three kids to take care of.

Taking care of three kids must take up a lot of time...

I sent all five of mine off to the orphanage! That's what the state built them for, isn’t it? And attending rallies is our sacred duty!

Hello. As a veteran's widow, I'm entitled to housing benefits. But Victor Padrabinek, my building manager, says it doesn’t count because I'm seeing another man!

How is that fair? Is there anything you can do?

Hey, Miss, I'd like to...

I'm a man!

Oh, sorry. My eyesight isn’t the best. I'd like to report that Philip Danke, our doctor, is harassing his patients.

Did he hit on you?

No, but when I went in for my appointment, he told me to take my clothes off and fold them up beside his own. I don't think that's typical for eye doctors.

I'm here to let you know that Adam Pluke and his family are illegally collecting his deceased grandmother's food stamps.

Hi! I work at a chemical plant. They give us free milk to make up for all that exposure to hazardous materials. So our supervisor, Tomash Nezygar, decreased our milk allowance and has been selling the rest at the farmers' market!

I've got a kid - he needs milk! Punish Nezygar and give us back our milk!

Dan Kiusak, the head of the fire department, won't hire me ‘cause I'm a woman! I was a star athlete, I've done a hundred skydives, I served in the army!

But you're pregnant!

Let those pansies from the music school whine about being pregnant! I demand that Kiusak hire me!

Hello! Angela Dadis, who works as a weaver, figured out a way of operating five machines at once. She’s ended up with a bunch of free time and spends it reading at work!

And what's the problem?

She won't tell me how she did it! I want to read at work, too. Do something!

My co-worker, Jacqueline Tall, always closes the window, and I can't work when it's so stuffy! I've fainted several times!

Punish her, or at least ban her from closing the window!

I'm here to report a theft.

Go on.

Daniel Blackcliff stole the best years of my life!

I'm sorry, but what is the Ministry supposed to do about that?

“The Best Years of My Life” is a novel I've been working on for the past five years!

He published it under his own name, and I know for a fact that Directive No. 8696 bans plagiarism! I need “The Best Years of My Life” back, I'm begging you!

Greetings! I was at the “Die Singing!” festival and I'd like to report that during the performance, the conductor - Isaak Weinstein - started waving his baton around and using it to write obscenities in the air!

We can’t tolerate this kind of behavior anymore!

Well, hello there! I've been the prima donna at the theatre for the past 40 years. I've played all the great roles. You may know me from...

Sorry, but I have a lot to do. Can you cut to the chase?

Ah, but of course. Ingmar Barebuttullo, the director of the city military theatre, put on a new play called “Love for War”. He made all the actresses dress up as soldiers, lined them up, and then stood to attention right in front of them!

What do you mean?

Exactly, young man, exactly!

That's horrible!

Isn’t it just? Those girls are dilettantes when it comes to art! And that sad old fool didn't even give me a uniform! I demand that you restore the status quo - everyone must know who the real prima donna is!

Hello. The women's gymnastics coach, Ann Bolthaway, hung up a portrait of the South Borean world champion in the gym to encourage the girls to follow her example.

Positive role models are a good thing, aren't they?

I disagree completely! The girls are warming up, stretching out, and bending over in front of that portrait all day long! Is that what we fought for? For our youth to bow down to the South Boreans?!

Bolthaway must be isolated from society - she is corrupting our children!

Hi, I work at the Institute of Radiology.

I'd like to inform you that professor Magda Kovalevskaya spends all day working with radioactive materials, then just goes home without anybody stopping her!

So what's the problem?

She’s stealing the radiation she's exposed to at work! I measured it myself - she's lit up like a chunk of uranium!

That is not good...

Exactly! We can't let her out of the lab! Every atom counts! Do something at once!

Hi! My neighbor, Alexander Timofeev, has built a time machine in his apartment.

Time machines aren't real.

Oh yeah? Next you'll tell me that the pterodactyl in my kitchen isn't real, either. It ate all my sausages! I demand that you put an end to this madness at once!

I was looking at yesterday's Most Wanted pictures in the newspaper, and one of them looked familiar.

He's the spitting image of my husband! I don't believe it, of course, but I'd like to double check whether Public Enemy No. 3 has a mole on his left buttock.

I need a note certifying that I have no convictions. Who should I talk to?

Excuse me, I'm trying to find out where Simon Popesku was taken to. He was arrested yesterday at the factory gates - they say he was handing out pamphlets to the workers, but I call bullshit!

Simon would never do that - he has three kids to take care of! Please help!

Hello, I have an explanatory statement regarding the length of my daughter's skirt. She was detained for thirty days for allegedly breaching the decree on mini-skirts, but the girl's simply grown up too fast!

I can't keep up with her growth spurt! Where should I bring my statement?

Hello. My fiancé and I were attacked while we were out taking a walk.

My sweetheart protected me, but the police took him in because one of the attackers died. I'd like to know what will happen to him now.

Hey there! Can I get one of those Most Wanted posters from the Ministry of Order?

What for?

The guys on them... They're assertive, powerful, dangerous, they have eyes like a tiger's... Just my type! I wanna hang the poster over my bed.

Hello! I've been corresponding with an inmate, but he’s stopped replying since he got transferred. Can I find out where he was moved to?

Tell me, is the Leader married?

I don't know.

Well, he's only human, right? So naturally he'll need someone by his side to care for him and give him advice. He works so hard!

I'd like to apply for that position. I understand that being the Leader's wife will be hard, even dangerous, but I'll do anything for the Motherland and for our continued Victory! Can this be arranged?

Hello! The girls from our dorm have answered the Ministry of Patriotism's call and donated a hundred pairs of stockings to be upcycled into parachute cords.

We'd rather go commando than leave the Motherland without parachutes! Where should I leave our donation?

Hi! All of us seamstresses at the factory would like to present the Leader with a new dress uniform. But unfortunately, we don't know his measurements. Where can I find them out?

Hello! I heard I can sign up to obtain a special device that helps single ladies relieve their feelings of loneliness. Is that true? Do I need to fill out any forms?

Are you single?

Are you? How about dinner? Who knows, maybe I won’t need that device after all...

Sorry, but I'm on duty.

Hello! I have with me an analytical report on how to increase theatre attendance.

We calculated that we can increase attendance by 107% if we open up performances to kindergartners, seniors from assisted living facilities, and patients from psychiatric wards.

The Ministry of Culture and Sports has already approved it. Now we need just the Ministry of Social Care to OK everything and hand over the psychos.

Hi! I’ve brought veterinary passports for all my kitties. Can I register cat therapy as a medical treatment now?

Medical treatment?

Yes, for lonely people. Administer one cat per year of solitude, and the depression is gone! Where do I hand over the documents?

Hi! I have underwear ration cards, but our local store doesn't carry my size. Can I trade them for butter rations? Or vegetable oil? Either will do the trick!

I'm the principal of Kindergarten No. 345. Somehow, we were sent sandals instead of snow boots for the kids. Must've been a clerical error.

I've arranged a swap with some of my colleagues in the South, but we need permission from the Ministry. What do I need to do?

Hello! I'd like to submit a request to the Ministry of Labor to obtain someone’s personal information. He was ordered to do correctional labor for the “Yet Another Twenty Years of the Leader” anniversary celebrations.

If you could only see how he works his jackhammer! It's divine!

Sorry, but we're not a dating service.

But he left his keys on my nightstand! Is there any way at all I could get his address?

Hi. D'you have any jobs where I wouldn’t need to do any work?

I don't provide employment assistance. What do you want?

I want nothing, but Mom says it's hard for her to carry on pulling double shifts as a janitor. As if it's that hard to do an extra shift! What does she expect me to do, ruin my nails? So, do you have any jobs with zero workload?

So here I am, a simple blue-collar worker, and just don't understand what the fu-...

Whoa whoa whoa! Language, ma'am!

I'm saying I don't understand what the fusty management at the boiler station is thinking! I'm pulling three shifts down there by myself, and they want me to pick up another one!

Hi there! We're our factory’s women's arm-wrestling team. We'd like to enter the “Wreck 'em for the Leader” tournament. Where do we sign up?

Hello, I need the circus events programme. I want to take our senior-year students there to show them what true beauty is.

At the circus?

Yes. Our school offers the full range of developmental activities - military training, arts and crafts and, of course, the circus!

Hi! My husband says that scientists have declared that a bottle of red wine a day lowers the risk of heart attacks by 50%.

And?

And I'd like an official retraction of this claim. I won't last another six months living with that health nut!

I recently bought some new mascara. It says on the package that it's specially formulated from used machine oil and gunpowder residue.

I'd like to find out how to remove it.