The grand opening of the National Euthanasia Center was held yesterday afternoon. The senior minister of the Ministry of Care, Andre Borlan, gave a…

The grand opening of the National Euthanasia Center was held yesterday afternoon. The senior minister of the Ministry of Care, Andre Borlan, gave a patriotic speech about the duty of every citizen of this great country. Henry Orlowski became the first visitor to the center! We congratulate the honored worker of the Post Office and wish him eternal peace. From this day forward, every citizen must go to the center within two weeks of turning 85-years-old to undergo the Blissful Sleep procedure. This is not punishment but a reward to true patriots for their lifetime of service! The Euthanasia Center is open to the public for tours Tuesdays from 6-7 p.m.