SAY HELLO

Good afternoon, Mark.

What's good about it?

It could be better. My rheumatism has flared up.

That's because you live in the basement. Dampness and cold are a curse at your age.

My age? I'm younger than you!

Really? According to my documents, I'm 20 years younger than you!

But how is that possible? You...

Look much older... Is that what you want to say? As a honorary archives worker, I can say it doesn't matter how young or old a person looks.

What matters is what's written on the documents. And I DO know how to work them. Hehehe...

What's going on in this great country of ours?

People say there's no order in the Ministry of Order... Hahaha! Hey... I'm joking.

What do you want to hear, Hector? That everything is stable, and our country is racing toward a better tomorrow?

Don't you read the newspapers?

I'm in "no newspapers" mode.

I understand. I make cigarettes out of them.

Be careful, Mark. If you do anything with a newspaper besides read it, leave our leader's photos untouched.

Otherwise, you'll be given the full measure of justice for disrespecting the state and the rule of law!

You're a smart aleck, huh?

The weather hasn't been good this summer...

Who cares about the weather, Hector?

It's the same year-round. You should be used to it by now...

Have you heard any news from the battlefield?

Of course!

Our troops strike, the enemies drop back, and vice versa.

Do you think the war will ever end?

That's none of our business... Our job is to sit in the archives and sort out files.

I don't care what we have to issue: reports about how great the government is doing or death certificates - it's all the same to me.

We'd better just sit still and be happy that they don't haul us off because of our age.

Could you do me a favor, Mark, and find one particular document in the archives? It's very important.

Important? How could anything of importance be in the archives?

I need to know who Zlata Schimmer's real parents are. She's at the hospital now and needs a donor, but Klaus doesn't know anything about her natural parents.

She's not their biological daughter? *cough* *cough*

First, they bring kids here from the orphanages, and then the entire building suffers from the noise and the crying.

Mark, this is about a child's life.

Yeah, I get it. But that's no easy task. Taking documents out of the archives is strictly prohibited. I won't do it for free, even for the sake of a child.

What do you want? Money?

Ha! Why would an old man like me need money? Besides, what can anyone buy in our country? Mended socks?

Listen... My wife wants a job at Cafeteria No. 389, but she doesn't have a health permit. According to the waiting list, she'll get one in two years.

Bring me the permit, and I'll bring you the documents you need.

Where could I find one? I don't know any cooks!

Aren't you the one who decides who moves into your building?

OK, Mark. I'll see what I can do.

Can I ask you about one thing, Mark? Can you bring me a state standard form? I need one for a good deed!

What kind of good deed? People don't ask for that form without a good reason. I bet someone is in a mess and wants to get off the hook!

Is it that so-called artist from the neighboring apartment?

Mark, I really need your help! That person will be executed for wasting the government's money...

Ha! I was right! He shouldn't have wasted money then! He's responsible for his own actions!

In the old days, people cut the hands off of thieves and then kicked the bastards out in the freezing cold.

Why were they so cruel?

So the thief would get a cold and be unable to blow his nose. How could he without his hands? It was torture! A thief would have the sniffles all the time!

Everyone knew who the thieves were - the ones with the sniffles!

That's silly. Wouldn't having no hands get the message across?

You're boring, Hector! I can't even enjoy telling you a tall tale!

OK! I've saw an old state standard form in the archive. Nobody will miss it.

Bring me a bottle of whiskey, and it's yours.

Mark, I have what you asked for.

Nice choice, Hector. The form is yours. Let me know if you need anything else.

Mark, I have what you asked for. It took a bit of work, but I got it.

That's great news! Now Rosa can get a job in the cafeteria. And I'll be able to spend some time without her buzzing in my ear.

I've always said a woman is like a chainsaw: she needs to work or she'll get dull - or cut off her husband's head!

What do you want in return for the health permit?

Is your memory playing tricks on you, Mark? We had an agreement about the personal records of the Schimmer's child.

OK, here it is... Don't tell anyone where you got it!

I'll deny everything.

Medina! That's awful! I found bedbugs in my bed today! Where did those little pests come from?

Solve this problem now or I'll complain about you to the Ministry!

Bedbugs? Where did they come from?

I have no idea! And I don't have the time to find out! We're too busy scratching ourselves!

If you don't deal with this as soon as possible, Hector, I'll drag my mattress to the basement of this building!

I'll also bring a jar full of cockroaches from the archives and release them into your basement apartment!

Calm down, Mark. I'll find a way to help you!

Did you take care of the bedbugs?

Mark, every one must donate blood for the troops at the front line.

Will you go?

I've already donated so much blood to our great and glorious state that I can't spare another drop!

Of course.

Have you heard about the Blissful Sleep procedure?

I have!

What do you think about it?

Rosa and I have a lot of time left before we have to go. Moreover, the law could be changed at any moment. Or - who knows? - our documents might get lost in the archives...

My wife and I are diligent citizens and are preparing for it just in case. We've already written our wills.

By the way, they say the Ministry of Beforehand Applications will be open soon. One can earn extra food cards for going early.

Do they think people would go to the Euthanasia Center EARLY in exchange for food?

I've seen people do all kinds of things for food.

Did you hear about Zlata Schimmer, Mark? She was hit by a car!

Kids are always getting in trouble. They say an adult is a kid who accidentally survived.

I'm glad we have only one child. And I'm glad he's all grown up.

How's your wife?

It seems she's giving up. She recently said something like, "I'm dead! I'm burning from the inside!"

That's a troubling sign...

Yes. She used to say that when she was young. It seems she's gone mad.

Do you know what's going on with our neighbor, Jacob?

I have no idea! He's as mad as a hornet! Perhaps it's because of his family.

We need to move him out! If he can't be his own man, he should be sent to the front lines.

Once there, he'll quickly learn his place.