MEET

Hello. My name is Hector. I'm the manager of this apartment building - for now...

Good afternoon, comrade Hector! Murray Gibbs, staff sergeant, infantry regiment 10, reporting! I was honorably discharged due to the loss of an extremity! at the Southern front.

I have been temporarily allocated here!

It's nice to meet you, Staff Sergeant Gibbs!

Do you work in the canteen?

Yup! I'm assigned to the campus to which General Airel Johnson is coming.

I've been with the field kitchen ever since the war started. It's an honor to be back on duty!

I'm cooking for the draftees. It's like feeding cattle!

What did you do before that?

I was retired. I'm expecting to get an apartment and a raise in my pension any day now.

Any day! What a great country this is. Some nations don't honor the people who are ready to die for it!

What it's like to be at war? Scary?

Scary doesn't begin to describe it. There's nothing worse! Except maybe coming home drunk and with lipstick on your face on your wedding anniversary.

That's pretty much why I signed up - to escape my spouse's wrath.

You're married?

Not anymore. She's with someone else. Has been for a long time. I'm married to the battlefield, although even she has become something of an ex-spouse...

Do you miss war?

Well, there's one thing I don't miss: the aftertaste of blast charges in my porridge. Ha ha ha! Civilians eat much better.

What happened to your leg?

Like I told you, I was working for the field kitchen. It was winter, and conditions were harsh. Our enemy surrounded us and cut off our supply chain.

My comrades were dying of cold and starvation. There was no food! We were so hungry, we dug through the snow in the ravines and harvested frozen grass...

After a week of nettle-weed soup, I became desperate and... Well... To make a long story short, we had enough stew for a week! And we survived!

Unbelievable! You made soup out of your leg?!

Every soldier must do his duty. My duty was to feed my comrades.

I received a medal for that.

What a stunning story!

What happened to your leg?

We were storming an important hill. The enemy had secured every point of access with barbed wire, moats and land mines...

At the top of the hill, the soldiers in a concrete pillbox were mowing down our troops like grass.

I was charged with sneaking in at night and planting a bomb. It wasn't easy, and it was dangerous, but I made it. I immediately secured the backpack with the explosive...

...and just as I turned on the timer, an enemy soldier appeared!

Oh, no!

Oh, yes! I was scared shitless. He immediately tried to stab me. The whole place was going to be blown to smithereens in about a minute, but we just stayed there, fighting.

The next thing I knew, there was a deafening BOOM... I couldn't hear anything for a month. We were thrown aside, still fighting.

In the heat of the battle, I grabbed something next to me - I thought it was a stick or a log - and kept hitting him with it until he went quiet.

Oh, my! Was it...

Yes. It was my leg! The guys wouldn't stop teasing me about it! They said I kicked one right through middle of the uprights that night...

I even earned a medal for that... I'd rather have a new leg, but a medal is better than nothing.

What happened to your leg?

Actually, that's a really silly story. What actually happened was we were crossing the river and took a break. I took my boots off and saw my leg had turned black!

So, they sent me to the hospital and amputated it immediately to prevent blood-poisoning.

What sucks is that my leg had turned black because the dye in my uniform ran when I stepped into the river.

That's horrible!

It was! Half the unit lost their legs before they figured out what happened!

We all received medals, of course. Useless, but shiny, medals.

What happened to your leg?

That's an incredible story! They were going to plant me behind enemy lines as a signal officer.

That would've given us access to the most current data and made us aware of the enemy's every move.

Our senior officers had a picture of the enemy officer and chose me because of my resemblance to him.

There was only one issue: the photo revealed that he had only one leg. So I had to sacrifice it for the Motherland.

They trained me for the mission for two years! The plan was simple: once we were there, the other men were going to grab him and I was going to take his place.

That was brave of you!

Yeah, but our efforts turned out to be for nothing. Once we were there, we saw he had both legs!

He was just fooling around in that photograph, pretending to be missing a limb.

That's horrible!

Tell me about it. Anyhow, while they were trying to decide what to do next, I served as a cook.

Then I received a medal and was honorably discharged.

Hello, Murray. What do you want?

I'm not sure you can help me. Even the doctors have lost all hope. At least you won't make it worse...

Try me.

My leg hurts like hell at night. Funny, huh? I don't have a leg, yet it hurts.

Doctors call those phantom pains, and all I can do is wait until it's gone. But it's been several years already, and nothing's changed.

As for our drugstores, simple necessities like iodine and bandages are hard to find, so forget about locating painkillers...

If only you could get me something to easy my constant, excruciating pain... I'd be very grateful!

I'll see what I can do.

Murray! I have just the thing for you! They say it'll help your leg!

Really? You're my savior, Hector! Hand it over!

There you go.

It looks weird. You definitely didn't get this from a drugstore... But whatever! It's not like things could get any worse, right?

Thank you, Hector!

Murray, you look tired. What's up?

I don't know what to do. I've been a soldier all my life; it's all I know. When I was discharged, it hurt more than losing my leg.

The only thing giving me a purpose in this world was my work at the canteen.

That was the only place I could still feel alive. I could talk with fellow soldiers, listen to their stories...

What happened to you?

I just found out I'm not getting an apartment or a pension. After Johnson arrives, they'll write me off and take away my work permit.

I was betrayed! I don't get it; why did they throw me out? It was different at war. It was kill or be killed, and your fellow soldiers were your family...

I have no one here. On the battlefield, I drove a tank; they trusted me with equipment worth millions of dollars! Well, between meals, of course.

Can I help you find a job?

I doubt you'd find anything for this old veteran, but feel free, Hector.

Good news, Murray. I saw an ad in the newspaper. Have you ever considered performing on stage?

You want me to become an actor? Are you kidding me? I wouldn't stand a chance. Why would they want someone with just one leg?

That's your advantage! They need someone to play a pirate, and who could be better than a one-legged veteran who's seen the best and worst life has to offer?

I suppose no one... Okay, I'll give it a try.

How did the audition go?

Not well. A whole mess of one-legged people show up. You're not the only smart person around, Hector.

I don't know what else we could do. Everyone's looking for a pirate costume; some folks are even considering removing an eye so they'll be given an eye patch.

In other words, everyone's trying to stand out. I think the main pirate props are a bottle of rum and a parrot!

But the stage is an alcohol-free zone, and I have no idea where I could get a parrot...

A parrot, huh? I'll see what I can do.

I'll let you know if something pops up.

I found a parrot for you! A real one! Here! Now you're a shoo-in for the role!

Thank you, Hector! You've gone beyond the call of duty for me. You would have made a great soldier.

Murray, I brought you a stuffed bird.

A parrot?

Not quite... It's a crow.

What good will that do me? It doesn't look like a parrot. However, if its feathers were colored...

Colored feathers? I think I can help...

Murray, I brought you a painted stuffed crow that looks just like a parrot. See?

Hmmm... I guess that's better than nothing. Thanks!

Blow up the audience, Murray!

For Pete's sake, Hector, I don't have any explosives, and I don't intend to blow up anyone!

Besides, I should try to make it through the auditions first...

I messed up that phrase, Murray. What I meant to say was: I hope you get the part and become really popular!

Great news, Hector! I landed the part! The opening night is coming up. It'll be amazing! I haven't been this happy in ages!

Please come see the play in a month or so. I'll get you a free pass!

That's great news! But I'm afraid I won't be able to make it to the play. In a month, I'll probably be gone.

But I'm glad I was able to help you.

I'm sad to hear that.

In that case, here. It's my health permit. It's all I have to give to you.

Perhaps you or someone else could use it. I know how hard it is to get papers nowadays.

Who knows? It could save someone's life.

Thank you, Murray! Good luck on the road to celebrity!

How are you doing, Murray? I have a question for you.

Shoot...

You said you worked in the canteen. Does that mean you have a health permit? I need to know for my report.

Of course. It's the only way I could work in the canteen.

Hector! Where's my health permit? You said you were only borrowing it. Give it back to me!

What health permit? I don't recall borrowing anything from you...

What? You rear-echelon motherf… I'm going to issue a complaint with the Board for Veterans!

Stop yelling! You're not in the army anymore. Besides, if you continue to behave like this, the police will drag you away.

Burn in hell, administrative rat!

Hello, Murray.

Screw you, weasel!